“I am a blessed mother of twins, but there was a time when I felt like I disappeared. After a high-risk pregnancy, my world became about keeping my babies safe, and once they were here, everything revolved around them. I wasn’t sleeping well, I felt constant anxiety about not being a good mother, and I didn’t recognize myself anymore. One night, I remember thinking, ‘Where did I go?’ and that’s when it hit me… I am still me. That moment changed everything.”
~ Erica
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Where did I go?”, you’re not alone.
For many women, especially in communities where strength, resilience, and caregiving are deeply rooted, motherhood often becomes everything. Many women have learned to carry a lot, to show up no matter what, and to keep going even when they are tired. Motherhood shapes your schedule, your energy, and often your identity. And while the love you feel for your family is real, it can leave very little room for you.
I hear this frequently in my work as a counselor from mothers, caregivers, and people who take on a traditionally maternal role. It’s not always said out loud, but often in the way someone tells me they’re tired, or the quiet pause when they try to answer: “What do you do for yourself?”
When You Start to Feel Like You’re Disappearing
This shift doesn’t happen all at once.
Sometimes it looks like constant fatigue, other times it shows up as trouble sleeping, feeling overwhelmed, or no longer enjoying things that once made you feel like yourself. And sometimes, it’s just a quiet sense of disconnection, like you’re moving through your day on autopilot.
For many, especially Black women, there is often an unspoken expectation to always be strong. To hold everything together. And to keep going without pause.
Then there’s the guilt.
That voice that says, “If I slow down, things will fall apart,” or “If I take time for myself, I’m not doing enough.”
But feeling this way doesn’t mean you’re failing. It often means you’ve been giving so much that there’s little left for you.
The Shift That Changes Everything
At some point, like for Erica, something clicks. There’s an ah-hah moment. In a moment of clarity, of quiet realization, the thought appears: “I am still me, and that matters”.
And for many women who have spent years putting themselves last, that realization can feel both powerful and unfamiliar.
Because reconnecting with yourself doesn’t take away from your role as a mother, it strengthens it. When you feel more grounded and more like yourself, you show up with more patience and presence. It’s like the message we hear on airplanes: you must put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.
Not because you’re selfish, but because you’re human.
How to Start Reconnecting With Yourself
You don’t need a full life reset. You just need small, real moments that bring you back to yourself.
- Let go of the guilt (even just a little)
Taking time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re doing less. It means you’re protecting your energy so you can keep showing up.
- Move your body in ways that feel good
This doesn’t have to be a full workout. A walk, stretching, or even dancing can help release tension and shift your mood.
- Create a simple wind-down routine
Dimming the lights or stepping away from screens at night can help your body rest
- Make space for joy, not just responsibility
Laugh, watch something funny, call a friend. When you laugh, your body has a chemical reaction. It releases endorphins and reduces the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.
- Pause, even for a moment
A few deep breaths in the middle of your day can help you reset.
- Maintain personal connections
Not just as a mother, but as a person.
What Your Children Learn From You
When you reconnect with yourself, it doesn’t just impact you; children learn by watching.
And when they see you rest, laugh, and take care of yourself, they learn that it’s okay to do the same; they learn that life is not only about responsibility, but also about joy and balance. They also learn that strength is not only about pushing through, but about knowing when to rest and care for yourself.
You Are Still You
When you became a mother, you didn’t disappear. You’ve been there all along. Maybe quieter, a bit more tired, but still there. And you don’t have to choose between being a good mother and being yourself; you can be both, because you are still you, even with everything you carry.
The GW Cancer Prevention Wellness Center offers a welcoming space where you can move, breathe, build community, and begin reconnecting with yourself, one small moment at a time. It’s where you can be you, the moment you step through the door.
About the Author
Claudia J. Campos Galván, MA, LPC, TTS, is a licensed professional counselor in Washington, DC, and the Community Health Worker Lead for the GW Cancer Prevention and Wellness Center in Congress Heights.
